I'm here offering protips at life. Today's subject, girl-gamers!
There are 4 kinds of girl gamers.
1. The RPG girl
Girls who play RPG's are the same ones who attend anime conventions dressed in costumes of Final Fantasy characters. They are generally very friendly and were made fun of in high school. They often have acne on their cleavage and generally have poor hygiene practices.
These are the kind of girls that have online boyfriends and plan to get married before they've met in person. They're always 'one of the guys' but they wish they could be taken seriously as a woman. RPG girls are the largest group with numbers beating the other factions combined many times over. They are a swarm like a zombie apocalypse (only with worse B.O.) when you eliminate one, ten are right behind you. The RPG girl faction relies entirely on sheer numbers. They may not be able to compete in individual combat, but in groups they will attempt to overwhelm. A group of RPG girls does not fight an enemy, it consumes them.
This is the kind of girl who loved Final Fantasy Advent Children.
2. The FPS Girl
These are the girls who wear shirts that say "bitch" on them because they're such bitchy cunts they're proud to advertise it. These are the kind of girls who will lose ten times in a row to you in a game, but the first kill she gets on you she will lean in to your face and shout "BOOOOOM! HEADSHOT!"
They are always hit on whatever game they join if they use voice chat. Regardless of performance they will never get told they suck. They have boyfriends or girlfriends who are totally submissive to their bitchy bitch dominance. Were a guy to treat his girl like this, he'd be a total asshole. But since it's a girl, she's just someone who "knows what she wants".
They're the only girls in the nerd domain with any self-confidence, so they get over-confident and begin to dominate the girl-gamer community. Though they are small in numbers, their sheer ferocity and bitchiness makes one of them deadlier than ten RPG girls (unless you steal the RPG girl's bag of Doritos).
Although FPS girl is more goth and RPG girl is more prone to anime, FPS girls are more the type to browse 4chan. As they are generally slutty and insane.
3. The Wii girl
The Wii is simple. Girls are simple. Is it any surprise so many girls like the Wii? This is the kind of girl you rent an apartment with. You feel like playing games but she always wants to watch 'The Bachelorette'. Then you see the Wii. It's like other games except stripped down. And the graphics are all cute. She'll love it! You can finally get your girlfriend to play games with you!
Little did you know... Now she's the one always bugging you to play and you just wish she'd shut the fuck up for a minute or go to sleep so you could play a real game. You're forced to play co-op with her on Lego Batman and you wish you could take it all back.
The Wii girl is the most normal of the girl gamer types. She's not physically repulsive like RPG girl, and not a bitchy slut like FPS girl. She's just your normal girl who likes to shake the controller around in the air for hours at a time thinking this is truly fun. (There are rumors of guys placing shiny objects around their apartment to distract Wii girls and get a chance to play games alone.)
Most barely consider Wii girls as gamers at all, even most Wii girls wouldn't count themselves as gamers. They are the smallest faction in the girl-gamer community, with even smaller numbers than FPS girls and none of the ferocity. But a Wii girl has something none of the other girl-gamer factions has: a semi-normal social life. If it comes down to what real life assets the girl has, the Wii girl has things that none of the other girls could ever hope to have: a job, a boyfriend and even friends. Although they are the most desirable, as you can have one who is socially well-adjusted, physically appealing and not a slut.
Just don't ask her what she thinks about the last book you read. Or anything for that matter.
Just don't ask her what she thinks about the last book you read. Or anything for that matter.
4. WoW girl
The WoW girl. They are elusive creatures. Girls who play WoW usually play only WoW. They play the one game and that's it. They exist because every guild must have one female member who everyone pretends to treat just like everyone else, when secretly all the guys in the guild are in love with her.
WoW girl enters the realm of videogames not because she wants cuddly cute love stories like RPG girl. Not to get out her male aggression like FPS girl. And not because shaking a remote takes up %90 of her brain power like Wii girl. WoW girl has come because she is an attention whore. She sees WoW and thinks that this will be a place where finally she'll get lots of attention and people will pay attention to her.
She gets gear and money donated to her constantly. Without even asking. Which she uses to make her character even more appealing. So when the next guy sees her he is even more turned on by a girl playing a high level character with some awesome equipment. And will donate even more stuff.
WoW girls as a faction are not strong in and of themselves. They are solitary animals and fiercely territorial. They, unlike the other factions do not work together. WoW girls are always alone in their guild and fight on their own.
Their strength lies in controlling others. When the girl in the guild gets pissed off, all the guys in the guild line up to defend her. Wow girls are the empresses who sit back and let their minions handle the dirty work. Individually a WoW girl is on par with an RPG girl, and with not nearly the numbers of the RPG group. However, a WoW girl can summon sometimes a dozen warrior virgins to do her bidding at any moment. This can prove especially dangerous to Wii girls, as the nerds of the guild may post her personal information on the Internet. And as Wii girls are computer illiterate it could be months before she figures out what's going on.
And there you have it.
